This Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for.
I am so thankful for my family. My immediate family is the best. They are amazing, so supportive, and are seriously THE BEST! Jacob and Lexi are my everything. I can’t imagine my life without them in it. I have the most amazing extended family. Really using the term “extended family” doesn’t really fit. Everyone in my family is like immediate family. I have the best aunts, uncles, and cousins. I’m so thankful that Lexi gets to grow up with them! I have 5 nieces and 3 nephews that mean the world to me. They made me an Aunt before I could be a mom and I love them so much!
I am thankful to have a job. I got signed onto a temp job that was supposed to last 2-4 weeks and I just worked my 5th week, with promise of at least a couple more. It is a long drive from home, but it is helping out through the holidays and helping with expenses since Lexi and I no longer have health insurance.
I am thankful to have a roof over my head. This goes back to being thankful for my family. My parents opened their home up to Jacob, Lexi, and myself a couple months ago when I lost my job. I can not imagine what we would have done if they wouldn’t have given us that opportunity. That means I’m thankful for all the time I get to spend with them. It makes me realize how much I love them. I know we won’t live there forever, and it makes me sad about moving out all over again.
I’m thankful for my health and the health of my family. We’ve had a few hiccups this year, but for the most part we are all healthy.
But on this Thanksgiving Day I’m also a little sad. Lexi has been so so so sick since 2:00 yesterday morning. Throwing up, lethargic, pulling at her ears, the whole nine yards. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m sad that she is so sick. I’m sad because I’m her mom and I can’t make her feel better. My 1 job as her mom is to make everything ok, and I’m failing miserably.
I’m sad because we’re spending time with my mom’s family and my Papa Judd isn’t here to see Lexi. Even though she’s sick and not her normal self, I know he would just be in love with her. And I know she would be in love with him. He’s been gone since 1998, and there are still days when it just hits me so hard that he’s gone. Brad Paisley’s song, “When I get where I’m going” played on the way to work yesterday, and the part that says “I’ll walk with my Grand-daddy, and he’ll match me step for step, and I’ll tell him how I’ve missed him every minute since he left. And then I’ll hug his neck” just killed me. I wish I could hug him one more time. I wish he wasn’t so sick in the hospital the last time I saw him. I wish he could have met Jacob. I wish he could hold Lexi on his lap and tell her jokes like he used to tell us. We miss you Papa!
Now I’m all super emotional. Sorry this post turned sad.