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why August 29, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Danielle Brigance @ 3:47 pm

I once heard Dr. Phil say that until you hate the way you are you won’t make changes in your life. He was saying it concerning being overweight.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me though. Because I literally hate being fat with every part of my existence. But, I still lack the motivation or willpower or determination to do anything about it. Why?
I gained this week. I ate horrible, and I drank soda. I know everyone has weeks where they gain, but seriously, I had barely lost any weight. So any gain is like starting back over again.
I just want to go to bed and cry.
I’m so sunburnt that I can’t even lay in bed comfortably.
I’m so tired of being broke.
I really want to move out of this piece of junk house. But, we can’t afford a down payment. Jacob doesn’t want to rent anymore, which I don’t either, but don’t tell me that we can’t afford a down payment and then tell me that we’re not going to rent anymore.
Why can’t one thing be easy for me?

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2 Responses to “why”

  1. Joanna Says:

    Honey, I know exactly how you feel. I completely hate being overweight, unsightly, you know all the terms we apply to ourselves. Sometimes I think Dr. Phil is completely nuts. But you know what, sometimes there is a kernal of truth to all of this. Yes, we hate the way we are. But you don’t hate it enough to stop doing the stuff we know is bad and start doing the stuff we know is good. For me, I know why it is – I hate hard work and discipline more than I hate being fat!

    It is so very hard to change ourselves. We didn’t get this way overnight, and we certainly aren’t going to repair it overnight. Being broke too – I feel ya there. Oy. If it makes you feel better, you are totally not alone in your feelings.

    I spend a lot of time trying to think of the good aspects of my situation, which sounds like it’s very similar to yours. We don’t have money, we don’t have a decent house, we rent from a slumlord, my husband’s health is terrible and he has a crappy part time job that he’s always in danger of losing. From week to week, we don’t know if he will even be able to work at all. But there are good things. The way I look at it, and maybe this will help you, is that we are building our mettle. Now I don’t know your financial situation, but I know mine, and to be honest with you, I think if I had half a backbone and a good dose of discipline, we wouldn’t be nearly this bad off. If we developed a sound budget with a good financial plan, I think we could. It takes a long time, but then so does weight loss. And they both require the same grit, the same to heck with it attitude.

    So I guess what I’m saying, is that I think of my weight loss journey as a test. I spent years ruining my body by putting nasty food/beverages into it, not exercising, you know the lot. I spent years being heedless with money, ruining my credit, whatevs. But if I can spend two hours a day (exercise, meal planning, etc.), just two wee little hours, making amends for all my poor choices, then eventually – in the very distant future – I’ll have bolstered myself up by my boostraps, taken control of my life and put away all those selfish demons that like to pop up – “I’m too tired”, “I can’t do anything right”, “I don’t know why I bother”, etc, then I will not only have improved my life, but I will have passed the test. I will have taken this goopy, gloppy mess and shaped it with my own hands into a strong person, a solid foundation for a family, a rock in the face of calamity.

    I hope this maybe helps you somewhat. Feeling like you did when you wrote this post is the worst, and I can’t stand by and let anyone feel like that. I’ve been there and it totally stinks. We have to stick together, you know, to hold each other up when we can’t stand.


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