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I feel it August 20, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Danielle Brigance @ 1:06 pm
Tags: , , , ,

That sneaky feeling of depression and anxiety creeping up. 

It’s been about 3 weeks since I stopped taking my anti-depressant.  Before you go all crazy on me (mom I know you read this), I’m really doing well.  Here’s what led up to this decision. 

  • Getting a job really helped me to feel like I was doing something.  I know being a mom is doing something.  But, when your child is too little to acknowledge the fact that you’re doing a good job, it’s hard to feel like your life is meaningful.
  • Jacob changed jobs.  His previous job provided full family insurance.  His new job (teacher) pays for his insurance and the rates for family coverage are outrageous.  So, we filled out an application for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oklahoma.  I didn’t do a great job filling out the application and left some health history stuff off (the fact that I am no longer taking Metformin or Clomid), so my coverage got denied.  I’m in the process of submitting more information and hopefully I will be approved.  Anyways…this leaves me without insurance.  Pristiq-the anti-depressant I was taking, is extremely expensive even with insurance. 

So, I stopped taking my anti-depressant, because I can’t afford to refill it without insurance.  I do have about a month and a half supply that I can start taking again if I start feeling really bad.    I’ve been doing really well without it though.

But because I’ve dealt with it long enough, I know what depression/anxiety actually feels like  when it starts…I can tell there’s something not quite right.  But, I’m not bailing on my decision to be without the medication, just yet.  I’m going to do everything in my power to overcome these feelings. 

I’ve always been one to worry about things I can’t control, and that’s where a lot of these feelings are coming from.  Work has dramatically slowed down and my hours have been cut.  So, the fear of being once again jobless is always in the back of my mind.  Being without insurance is scary as well.  What if I get really sick?  What if Lexi gets really sick?  My weight is a big (literally) factor in my moods also.  I’m trying to watch what I eat.  But, when I’m hungry, I tend to be grumpy.  The heat of summer is killing me!  It’s too hot to do anything.  Just a simple trip to the grocery store is annoying, and even Lexi gets annoyed with the heat, so that makes her grumpy too!

So, I keep telling myself that these are all temporary feelings that will go away.  I just feel like an anti-depressant isn’t something you should take forever and ever.   And I’ve been on some sort of anti-depressant for several years now.  I know it isn’t something to take lightly, and I’m not.  I also know you shouldn’t go off any medication without your dr’s advice….but I’m also very stubborn and think my decisions are always right. 

Anyways…sorry that turned into a long ramble.  Just had to put those feelings out there.


3 Responses to “I feel it”

  1. When my husband was teaching, we couldn’t get any other insurance because they had a rule that if you qualified for state employee or teacher insurance, then you weren’t eligible for anything else. His was free but we had to pay for ours. At the time I thought it was expensive, but now we are having to pay COBRA to the tune of $1300 a month which I think is criminal. Since y’all are wanting to TTC soon and you may need expensive meds soon, I would just suck it up and pay the family rate on his teacher insurance. If you can’t enroll now, they usually have open enrollment at least once during the school year.

  2. Joanna Says:

    As someone who has had to deal with this before, I thought I might offer you a few words of advice. I’m not familiar with how you were diagnosed and how your medication was prescribed, but a lot of times with anti-depressants you will be prescribed the best newest drug out there – because that’s what makes the most money for the drug companies, the pharmacists and the doctors. It’s not right, it’s not fair, but it’s a very common fact of life. I used to be on Abilify, but before it was like “cool” with all the ads and commercials, and with my insurance taking a percentage off it was still over $300 a month. Not my kinda drug.

    So what I did was I went back to my doctor. There are plenty of less expensive medications, even antidepressants that are $4 at Kroger and Walmart (if either of those is close to you) that can and will do. That’s $4 with no insurance. Drugs that aren’t the newest, hottest thing out there have generics for them, which makes them cheaper. I know for a fact that the generic for Prozac is on the $4 list at both stores because I’ve taken it.

    Now, I completely understand wanting to be off anti-depressant meds, but there is at least one thing standing in your way. It really does not sound like this is a good time to try it. When the stress is worse, like with all the worries you listed above, it’s totally not a good time. Also, if you just up and stopped it, that can be very bad too. These meds need to be backed off on slowly, weaning your body, otherwise you can get some nasty side effects, which often make the depression even worse. Not good.

    Now I’m telling you all this because I have been there and done that, not because I’m a health professional. You can’t save a few pills and take them as you need them, because that is not the way that the pills work. It is expected for them to take up to 2 weeks to even start to have an effect, and the reason for that is because the chemical in the drug has to have time to build up in your body (there’s a whole lotta calculus involved and it’s yucky :-P) and overcome the problem that is there. Pristiq is seratonin and norepinephrin reuptake inhibitor – that means it is a shape that fits into the receptors on your neuros where usually seratonin and norephinephrin fit so that you don’t get as many of those chemicals flitting around in your brain-space, which makes you feel super low. There aren’t as many of those, but maybe your doctor could help you find another med that isn’t as expensive. Usually if you tell your doctor you are having problems with the cost, they can help.

    I came here from Mamavation, and I just want to help support you! You can totally ignore everything that I’ve said if you want, I know it’s unsolicited advice, but I just wanted to share with you my own experiences!

  3. Amber Says:

    Hi I just found your blog today… Hi my name is Amber. I am leaving you a comment on this old post because I am taking pristiq and I am getting it free through the company. You can print out the app online and send it in (with the required stuff) its pretty easy and you get the meds you need. I have 2 small babies and I cannot do it without meds right now even though I love being a mom and have the 2 best babies in the world. here is a link if you are interested. I am going to follow you, I hope you don’t mind 🙂

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