Can anything ever just be normal?
Everything is always spiraling out of control. And I can’t stand not being in control.
First cycle off BCP. Wasn’t going to get my hopes up, because why should it work?! Here I am wanting to test 40 times a day, with my hopes up, that it really did work. idiot
Migraines from hell for like 2 weeks straight. Imitrex, Maxalt make me so sick, so I can’t take them while I’m at work, or anywhere else unless I can lay down immediately after taking it. Can’t take a preventive medicine because Pristiq is too hardcore to be paired with anything like that. On top of that I’ve been dizzy as hell! The only way to explain the feeling is, you know when you’re power flickers and your computer monitor or tv fades out and then comes back on? It’s like that…except for with my head. Almost like something up there is randomly mis-firing. Scary thought! Of course it’s scary when you think there’s something wrong with your brain. But I’ve had like 12 CAT scans that showed nothing, so I’m sure it’s nothing. Me being over-dramatic and complaining.
Nothing is ever right or ok. If it’s not one thing it’s another.
I have nowhere to go anymore. No one to listen. No one to give me advice. My CO ladies turned their backs on me and it’s hard for me to even go there, nonetheless vent or ask for advice. That alone breaks my heart. For so long they helped me through everything. It’s a TTC website, but it was so much more than that. Now I go there and linger, read posts, want to give advice. But, I’m too scared that someone is going to take it the wrong way, or shrug me off.
I can’t even really vent here. Someone gets pissed off that the whole world knows our problems…as if anyone reads this crap.
I’m sure my family gets tired of hearing my problems too, so why bother them?
I’m just so frustrated. And it’s so much more frustrating to have nowhere to go, no one to turn to, no one who gives a rats ass about how I feel, or what I want to do, or if everything is ok.
I’ve always been good at putting on a front. Everything is perfect and fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m dying!