Adventures of a new mom!

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anxiety and the weekend March 28, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Danielle Brigance @ 8:42 pm
Tags: , ,

For the most part my anxiety has been under control. But, this weekend I lost a little bit of that control. We were due to spend the weekend with Jacob’s Nana, Papaw, and Aunt Twila. I love them. They are really his step-grandparents and step-aunt, but you would never know it. They are honestly the only part of his family that accepted me from day 1. I’m really grateful for that. But, I haven’t been up there since I had my major meltdown. There was a part of me that wanted to stay home and have a weekend to myself again, but I knew I had to go.
Friday Lexi and I spent the day shopping with my mom. We had fun, and of course it was great to just get out of the house. We made it to Ft. Gibson Friday evening and everything was pretty good. I honestly didn’t start having anxiety issues until Saturday afternoon/evening.
Saturday morning Lexi got up at like 2am. Nana and Aunt Twila were determined to take care of her. And instead of feeding/changing her and putting her back in bed, Nana slept in the recliner with her. I got up a few times to check on them, and just knowing that someone else was up with my child made me uneasy. It’s my job, ya know?! So, I finally got up around 8 am. We just hung out all day, and then headed to the mall that evening. Lexi got her first pair (actually 2 pairs) of Stride Rite shoes courtesy of Aunt Twila. The mall was crazy though. Teenagers were running into me every 3 seconds because they were too busy texting to watch where they were going. Lexi didn’t want to be in the stroller. Getting a littler worse. We went to walmart to pick up a few things. Lord knows that’s always a nightmare, so by the time we got out of there my level of anxiety was through the roof. Then we have to try to decide where to eat dinner. That’s a nightmare in and of itself. By the time we get settled at Buffalo Wild Wings I had to pop a Lorazepam. It did take the edge off some. But, I still wasn’t able to sleep good last night. Not knowing if/when Lexi was going to wake up, if someone besides me would be able to get her back to sleep if she did wake up. Then, I never heard her wake up last night, so I woke up this morning at 8 and started freaking out because she never sleeps that long without waking up. I tossed and turned for a little while and then finally just got up, checked on her, and showered and got dressed for the day. Today we went to lunch with Jacob’s sister and her family. That hour long lunch was too much for me. I felt like I was having to bullshit my way through it. I didn’t want to be there at all. I was just so ready to go home. Even the ride home was stressful.
I don’t know what it was, but I just felt like I didn’t play a part in the weekend at all. That it wouldn’t have mattered if I was there or not.
I’m glad to be home! Back in my own bed! Back to my own schedule!


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