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The aftermath February 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Danielle Brigance @ 10:44 pm
Tags: , ,

Wednesday seems like it was a month ago. Yesterday feels like it was a week ago. Yesterday I had my first appt with the therapist. I can’t get in to see the psychologist the psych nurse recommended until March 8th. So, the therapist will have to do in the meantime. She was nice. The office was straight out of the 70’s. I sat on a couch, facing her in a chair.
There were times when I felt like she was trying to break me. Like, she wanted me to cry. I teared up a few times, but didn’t have the meltdown I thought I would. I was more nervous on the drive up there and sitting in the waiting room. She had my paperwork from the ER, so I didn’t have to break everything down.
It was nice to have someone listen. I think that’s why I was so calm once I got to see a dr in the ER. Because someone was finally listening to me.
She told me not to feel shame. She said I was strong for standing up and doing something. She asked me on a scale of 1-10 (1 being fine and 10 being bad) where I felt like my depression was. I told her a 5 or 6. She told me at the end of the session that I was closer to 10 then what I thought. She said if she felt I was getting any worse by the next session she would recommend inpatient treatment.
My next session is on the 17th. That’s a week and a half from yesterday. I chose that instead of a week because of the co-pay amount.
Jacob wants me to find a new psychologist that I can get into before the 8th. Actually he told me that he wants me to see someone this coming week.
Since the beginning of my depression (2005) doctors have always asked me if it was just depression or depression and anxiety. It’s always been depression only. In the days since Wednesday I feel like a different person. I’ve always been easily agitated, but this is beyond that. I feel my toes start to curl and my blood start to boil. It could be about something big or something small. I feel like I’m going to explode. I need something to take the edge off.
I scheduled a drs appt for Monday morning to ask once again for something to help me sleep. Thursday night I only slept for 3 hours, and that was after taking 2 ambien. I’m sure my PCP is once again not going to take me seriously. And I don’t even know how to get into the story of Wednesday. But, I feel like I need to because I want to ask for something besides the depression medicine. And obviously my dosage of that needs to be changed. I know the psychiatrist can change the medicine up, but I agree with Jacob that it needs to happen before the 8th.
I got to hang out with my family today and it felt good. I was scared that people would give me that sympathy look, but I think everyone understands that I would rather not talk about it. I want everything to be back to normal, but I know it’s going to be a long hard road.


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