I’m in a funky mood about the whole carseat, rear facing until at least age 2, thing. We turned Lexi when she turned 1. We consider her safe. She is almost 2 and I’m not turning her back around. I don’t understand how a child sits with their legs crossed, or up on the seat back, or hanging over the edge of the carseat. I understand they are saying this is safer, but I also feel like if we turn Lexi back around now she will have a massive freak out. I guess it will be something I have to do if/when I have future children, but for right now this is the decision I’m making. I don’t like feeling like I am being judged for this decision either. “Mommy” forums are so hateful and hurtful. Reading through a forum I’m not even a member of, and seeing the way they were berating others who didn’t have their same opinion just floored me. They actually went off on a lady for not having a 5 star crash test rated car. Telling her she shouldn’t have her children in it at all. It was a decent car…newer model year, not driving around in some clunker with no seatbelts or roof. I couldn’t help but feel like I was being judged and I’m not even a member there.
IDK, I’m in a depressed kinda mood.
Pity Party March 21, 2011
Drs appt February 25, 2011
I got there and the nurse was super nice. She was really thorough taking my history. I got to see the PA since I had an after hrs appointment…they are open from 8-8. She was really nice also. Listened to all my problems and gave me mire than I thought i was going to get. She gave me a new prescription for birth control since I can’t get back to the health department to get my refill..and since pcos is a pain in the ass. She gave me a new prescription for thyroid medicine since I haven’t been able to afford to go back to the ob to get a refill…and since pcos is a pain in the ass. She gave me a new prescription for amitriptyline for my head, and a prescription for maxalt for my head. She asked me several times if I needed a refill of my lorazapam, which I don’t right now because I don’t need it hardly at all. But it was great that she asked. I go back in 2 months to see the dr for a full exam. He will probably request bloodwork, which I will have to work out in the budget, but needs to be done. Hopefully I can find some kind of assistance program for the maxalt because it’s really expensive without insurance. Overall I am very pleased with this new office. Now if I could only get a permanent job with insurance.
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A new dr February 24, 2011
Tomorrow I have a drs appt. I decided to try out a new dr because I don’t feel like my old one was taking me seriously. I just want someone, one person to believe me. To not think I am exaggerating, being over-dramatic or trying to get attention. I have kept a calendar of the past few weeks, marking every day that I have had a migraine. This week is the worst. I have had a headache every.single.day. That is unacceptable. I have been dealing with this for over 5 years now. It makes it unbelievably hard to get out of bed in the morning. And I continue to pray that it’s not partially depression creeping back up on me. I am also going to talk to the dr about my inability to sleep for more than 2 hrs at a time. That makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning also. So once again praying that is it…no depression. I just want to feel better. To feel normal. To not want to spend every second of my day in bed. So that’s it. I will update tomorrow.
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Random thoughts February 12, 2011
•I wish I could go back to the psychiatrist. I don’t always feel depressed, but I feel anxious and overwhelmed a lot of the time.
•I wish I could find a dr who truly believed me when I say i don’t sleep well. Seriously, I’m not trying to scam drugs off of you. I just don’t want to wake up 5 times every night and stay awake for 30 minutes each time.
•Lexi is growing up way too fast.
•Most of my anxiety stems from the lack of control in my life.
•I want to have a blog that people follow.
•The guys (Jacob, Brandon, and Dad) had to shoot a skunk tonight and that’s all I can smell.
•I would give up a lot of things in order to be skinny…food doesn’t seem to be one of them though.
•I want another baby…like now.
I guess that’s all.
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Stressed January 25, 2011
I’m so stressed out right now and I just need to vent.
I have been at my “temp” job for 3 months now. It was supposed to be a 2-4 week thing, that has just kept going. I am very thankful for this job. And I really love working here. But, I am just frustrated with it. I can’t stay temp forever. I am making $9/hr and have no benefits. That just doesn’t work. Jacob pointed out to me the other day that I was making more on unemployment than I do with this job. My unemployment ran out, so it’s not like I could still be claiming it. And I love actually feeling like I am doing something with my life!
With the mention of $9/hr, that brings up the fact that we have like no spare money. Even living with my parents it seems like we just have no money to spare.
That brings up my health. I feel like my PCOS is out of control lately, and am even starting to fear that I have endometriosis. I haven’t been to the dr in forever…I went to the health department to get my BCP. I know that’s a dr, but it’s not MY dr. I’m surely about to run out of refills on my blood pressure and thyroid medicines soon, and that will be a whole other issue. I also just feel run down all the time, and feel like I catch every bug that gets near me. I started doing some research, and there are studies that are showing a link between PCOS and suppressed immune system. Which, if it is PCOS causing it, what am I supposed to do about it?
Since the beginning of the year I have been trying to lose weight. Trying to follow the weight watchers plan. It’s going ok, but of course the weight isn’t coming off as fast as I would like it to. Partly because I do almost no working out…that’s a separate issue. But, I know part of it is because of the PCOS. Which the only way to get rid of/control the PCOS is to lose weight…it’s a viscious circle. UGH!
Then Jacob has all these conferences scheduled coming up. I don’t know why there are so many. I don’t mind the ones that are on the weekend, because I can watch Lexi. It still sucks that he will be gone, but whatever. But, now he has one that is a Tuesday and Wednesday. Lexi goes to daycare at the school where he works. So, if he isn’t there to take her and pick her up, then who is going to? They close at like 4:30, and I don’t get off work until 5. So, do I take 2 days off work because he’s out of town? This weekend he has a test to take…an important test…but I have a baby shower I would like to attend. So I guess this is where I beg my mom to watch Lexi for a couple hours so I can go do that?! UGH!
When does life get easier?
